And we did. Our methods have evolved over time, but we've always found something. Every day it's like a game of watching them to see who they are, how they are the same, and how they are different. My life is literally a game. Every single day.
When they were in the hospital, we tried our best to tell them apart. But their tiny wrinkly faces looked pretty much exactly like every other wrinkly white baby's face - so good luck telling them apart from anyone else, let alone each other. Instead, we had to mentally keep track of which bassinet they had been placed in last, or which one we were feeding/changing/snuggling at that moment. But to be certain, we relied on the hospital bands around their ankles, which we replaced obsessively because their ankles were SO dang tiny and the bands wouldn't stay on. Which worried us. What if we mixed them up before we even left the hospital?!
We are sure (pretty sure) this didn't happen. And if it did, well, then they are mixed up permanently and it will have zero impact on their life. At home we kept using the hospital bands and scoured their faces for more clues to their separate identities. A few days after arriving home, their grandmother noticed a difference in their ears - Bug had a ridge in his left ear (the crux helix) that was significantly more pronounced than Doodle's. We were so excited! We had a physical difference to use when the ankle bands fell off! I fantasized about always being able to tell with that little trick, and not telling the twins about it - so that when they were older and trying to fool me by pretending to be each other, I would KNOW.
Always, and mysteriously.
I would claim magical Mom Powers and they would be none the wiser.
Sadly, though, the ear trick didn't last more than 4 or 5 months, ish. We aren't sure exactly when the difference disappeared, because we found other ways to identify them and over time stopped checking their ears. Bug has always been a little bigger than Doodle (until their 6mo appt, when they weighed exactly the same!). When they were 5, 6, or 7 lbs, a half-pound difference was significant! Sometimes I could easily see that Bug just looked bigger than Doodle, or I could tell by the weight when I picked one up. Sometimes, though, it seemed like Doodle was catching up, and the difference between them was less pronounced. And then Bug would pull away ahead again and their relative sizes once again became useful identifiers.
Along with the overall size difference, their heads specifically told us who was who. Doodle's forehead slopes backward at a steeper angle, and Bug's forehead is taller and flatter. His face is a little more rectangular overall, while Doodle has a rounder face. But at times, this was less helpful than more. As the weight differences fluctuated, so did the starkness of the face-shape-contrast. Some days I would think, "OBVIOUSLY this baby is Doodle, just look at him! Compared to Bug, he has a mini-basketball for a head!" And then other times, "Uh...they both look like round-faced little babies...their cheeks are fat and squishy...and...yeah I can't tell. Better check their ears."
For the first few months, they were pretty much blobs. I mean, super cute, soft and snuggly, awe-inspiring and amazingly tiny blobs (HOW can a whole human exist in a body that weighs less than 5 lbs at birth? It blows my mind)...but blobs nonetheless. They did basically nothing. (Which is as it should be - their very existence outside the womb was enough for them to "do" and it kept them busy!) Around 3 months, differences in their behavior began to emerge. As in, they began to have "behavior" at all.
Doodle smiled first. Bug rolled (toppled!) front to back first, but Doodle seemed completely uninterested in such a thing. Perhaps it was Bug's larger noggin that kept tipping him over. Doodle became obsessed with grabbing his toes. When they get tired, Doodle shrieks (not crying, just loudly exploring his voice) and Bug furrows his eyebrows, purses his lips, and begins spitting. They teethed at the same time but Bug's pearly whites popped through before Doodle's did. So for a while, sticking a finger in a baby's mouth was a surefire way to tell who you were holding. Of course, none of these things belong solely to one baby or the other. They have both had phases where they just randomly shriek to test out the volume and pitch limits of their voices ("Hey look! I have a VOICE! Isn't it cool?"). They both roll back and forth easily, both stick their toes in their mouths, both smile and laugh, and both have their bottom teeth. But for the periods of time that a behavior was practiced almost exclusively by one baby or the other, it helped us tell them apart. It was never a guarantee, but a clue.
A revolving clue that is much more reliable than any specific behavior is the location of scratches on their faces. Do we wish they had scratches? No! Do we scratch them on purpose? Of course not! We don't actually scratch them at all, they do it to themselves (despite regular nail-clipping, which is one my least-favourite thing about having twins - having to clip TWO sets of tiny claws). But when they appear, we use them to our advantage. Since these scratches inevitably show up on their face, they are a quick and easy way to tell them apart for a week or so at a time until the scratch heals. Related, Bug has a perpetually dry nose from rubbing his little schnoz furiously on his crib sheets or the floor when he's tired, and Doodle has inexplicable dry patches on his shoulders and back. Lotion prevents these from getting worse but they persist.
There are other, less concrete, tip-offs. They're the ones that are hard to explain. To me, the babies just look different. They smile differently. Their eyes sparkle differently. They have unique reactions to things that excite them. The more they grow the more distinct they just "feel."
This doesn't mean I don't get them mixed up. I do. There are specific positions or moments that they look more alike than even I can easily overcome. If they are both asleep in their car seats, for instance, I often have a hard time telling which baby is which and look back and forth several times searching for a giveaway. Usually I just wait for them to wake up because in the meantime, it doesn't really matter. They're both asleep and both content. :)
Sometimes, I even walk around with a baby for several minutes thinking I'm holding one, only to discover that I've been wrong the whole time. Whoops. Throughout the day I mentally track where each baby is, holding in my mind an image of who has gone where and done what - kind of like a human light trail. So besides the variety of methods we've already discussed, I always know which baby is which from my mental map. But if they swap places in my mind for some reason, I will pick a baby up thinking I already know who it is so I don't really need to check - and proceed to be wrong until something clues me in to my error. So clearly I *almost* always know which baby is which. The funny thing about this is that there is usually at least one small thing that could have clued me into my mistake sooner - but I brushed it off because it didn't fit with what I thought reality was. "My, you're kind of shrieky today, Bug. Usually Doodle does that." or "Doodle, your hair is growing so fast! I think it's catching up to Bug's!" But when I realize that I've been wrong the whole time, I think back and laugh to realize that I *did* notice a difference or two, but ignored it!
[Slight tangent: Our brains are so fascinating! When two contrasting ideas present themselves, we have to choose which one to keep and which one to discard. Thinking we already KNOW something, when we see evidence to the contrary, we don't always accept it. Often we throw out the new idea because it doesn't fit with what we think we already know.]
Most of the time, I expect to know who my kids are. But I will continue to get them mixed up occasionally; because they're especially similar in a particular moment, or because I'm not paying close attention. I assume I'll realize my mistake before any great catastrophe occurs, and eventually they'll be able to quickly correct me themselves! Trust me, it certainly won't be the only thing my kids have occasion to call me out on.
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