It's not a tale of *that* kind of conception, so don't worry, no salacious details here! 😁
We always knew we wanted more than one child. After a 4.5-year journey to even get one, I clung to the hope that the second time would be easier - I had heard many stories of people who struggled to get pregnant the first time, only to discover that something had "clicked" and their body seemed to have figured out how the process works after successfully bearing a child once! It seemed perfectly reasonable in my mind to believe that that would probably happen to me too.
My husband and I were not the only ones hoping to expand our family. After we had been trying for about 18 months, my 3-year-old Skywalker*** came to me out of the blue with tears in his eyes and cried, "Mama, I wish a baby was being born right now! *I* am not a baby anymore, so there is a baby missing from our family." I comforted him and he went away, seemingly satisfied. But he clearly continued mulling over the topic, because later that afternoon, he returned with more he wanted to discuss. He had tried to figure out a solution to our problem but needed more information.
He looked right at me. Big sigh, deep breath.
"Okay, Mama. SO. How do we even GET a baby into your belly? Can I help? Because you are taking a very LONG time by yourself, so maybe you need some assistance."
(Yes, that was my 3-year-old. I swear those were his exact words.)
Turns out, it's hard to figure out what step of the process you are stuck on, and find a solution to the obstacle, when you don't understand how the process even works.
After a few years, I admitted to myself that, yes, perhaps I needed some assistance. I took a page from Skywalker's book and started by breaking the process into steps and attempting to identify where we were failing. For Skywalker, that meant asking his mom for more details. For his parents, that took the form of fertility testing. Lots of fertility testing. "Everything looks fine!" was the answer after every test, and I would (sometimes in my head, sometimes out loud) respond, "Define FINE..."
After months of ruling out possible fertility obstacles one by one (frustratingly so - I admit to wishing they could find some problem we could solve!), it was time to start treatments and hope that since no medical issue could be found, the process of conceiving just needed a little nudge. It turned out to be a lengthier process than we had hoped, but we did at long last succeed. I will spare you the time-intensive and physically/emotionally/financially taxing roller coaster of hope and heartbreak from the years that followed, and jump straight to the happy ending!
In the fall of 2019 we decided to try one more round of IVF - our last one, no matter the outcome. At the end we got the good news that the blood test indicated a developing pregnancy. We were happy, but also hesitant to believe the initial result for fear of disappointment. Ultrasounds over the next several weeks confirmed a heartbeat - TWO heartbeats actually - and showed continued, concordant growth! Slowly our unease faded, and the scale on which balanced our anxiety and elation began to tip in favor of positivity. We gradually wrapped our brains around the idea of bringing two little beings into the world at the same time, and going from a family of 3 straight to a family of 5. We worked to come to terms with a variety of ways that two babies would change our plans. For example, adding one child to our tiny apartment may have been possible, but two seemed too much of a stretch, so it was time to look for a bigger place. Buying our first house would have been a big undertaking in any circumstance, but was particularly arduous in the midst of a pandemic, virtual school for the 8yo, and a twin pregnancy!
Next up - How We Got Here part 2: Gestation!
***All of my boys have pseudonyms for this blog
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